Week 2 and 3

Week 2 (first official weigh in. 3 lbs lost. Current weight: 304.5

 This is going to be a very long post... I think I have things a little messed up. Hopefully after this post it will all catch up with itself. I weigh in on Mondays and when I started, my first weigh in day was just my starting weight. So I guess I should have started the week 1 weigh in after my first week of dieting. I just have to make myself update this more often and I won't confuse myself when recalling the weeks. My first week on my diet was successful. I lost 3 lbs. During the week I had my ups and downs but I ended the week down so I am ok with that. It wasn't as much as I would have liked but I know I can't expect it to all happen over night. My mom also pointed something out to me. I expected a bigger loss with being week 1. But she pointed out, I am not starting out with nothing lost. I started my challenge being down around 23 lbs down from my highest weight.I have been doing good keeping track of everything in my notebook and on MyFitnessPal. I have already found myself looking back at my notes and I am really glad that I am doing it. There have been a few times that I wanted to eat something when I wasn't hungry and I was able to just make some notes and it helped distract me enough. Even after my 100 day challenge I want to keep up with the notebook.

A note from my food journal.
I made myself proud- that rarely happens!

Friday morning before Zumba

During week 2 I did really well. I went to Zumba 3 days. I usually can only go on Monday and Wed. nights. Lucy has Zumba on Friday mornings and I took Friday off so I decided to go. Thursday night I made myself park behind my dad. He had to leave for work a little bit after 8 and Zumba started at 9 so I had to move my car. When I got there I was the only one there. I was pretty early so I didn't think anything of it. Well it was about time to start and no one else had shown up. I felt so nervous doing ZUMBA by myself with Lucy but she made me feel very comfortable. About 20 minutes into it, another lady did show up. It was like having private lessons lol. I felt so great the rest of the day. I wish I could make myself get up before work to work out. I think that would help with my mood a lot.

Veggie tacos!

 Last week, after looking over my food journal, I realized how much I snacked. I had smaller meals and ate a lot of snacks. Most of it was granola bars, or 100 calorie snacks. But I didn't just eat one. I would eat a few at a time. So I decided that when I went grocery shopping I wasn't going to buy any of that stuff. I planned on making wraps for most of the week so I made a list of veggies that I wanted for that. And I stuck with my list. This whole week  I have been on a kick with these wraps. I got some low carb taco shells and have been filling them up with tons of veggies and black beans. My favorite combo is bell peppers, onions, tomatoes, black beans, banana peppers, salsa, and red pepper flakes. These are so filling and only around 350 calories. You can't beat that!

Progresso Lite Chicken Cheese Enchilada 

Another thing that I have really been enjoying is soup. I have never really been a big soup fan but I don't think I ever gave it a fair chance. I saw some Progresso Lite soups on sale one day and decided to give them a try. Thank goodness that I did because they are awesome! I have been having that for lunch on most days. My favorite one has been the chicken cheese enchilada. The soup itself has a tiny bit of a kick but I like things spicy so I add a bunch of red pepper flakes. It is really good on these cold days that we have been having. Last week I did really well and one day I realized that I had made it through the entire day with out sitting around thinking about food all afternoon, like I normally would.I have been doing really well with not snacking. I think I will stick with no buying the "snack foods".

Week 3: Lost 2.7 lbs. Current Weight: 301.8

Week 3 weigh in was pretty good. I lost 2.7 lbs.I was very happy with how I did through out the week. Some things have really been troubling for me. I have really been struggling with my depression and not feeling like I really have a purpose. I have been able to work through it and not eat to numb myself. I just feel so lonely. When I go to ZUMBA, I feel like an outcast. It seems like most of the girls have a friend or 2 that tag along. Don't get me wrong, I love going and I really do have a great time. I just wish I knew the girls there. The loneliness is worst at night. I don't know what it is. Another issue I am having is I am finding myself being surrounded by negative people and that really brings me down. Friday after ZUMBA, I was in an incredible mood. I felt so good. I had plans to go have lunch at Panera with Leslie. As soon as she picked me up I realized how grumpy or down she seemed. The entire day she was negative about everything. And I mean everything. I commented a few times at how she seemed grumpy but she didn't seem to get it. We had lunch and went to a few stores and by the end of the few hours I had had enough. I was more than ready to get home. No offense to her at all, but she is always negative. I don't think I realize it because I am normally pretty down myself. I have another friend that is negative about everything. And sometimes the things he says to me offend me. I think he is clueless at how he makes me feel and I try not to take it personally but some days its hard. My mom is is also very negative. I try to ignore it but it has been really hard lately. I don't know if she has any faith in me.

But that is another story. 

The past few days have been very stressful. I had my brothers kids this weekend and that stresses me out a bit. Not really the kids, but my parents. There are to many bosses in the house when the kids are there. And honestly, I don't feel like my mom supports my diet. She always has something to say about what I eat. She compares it to what she eats. I keep trying to tell myself she obviously doesn't know what she is talking about but I still get upset. (She tried telling me that her hamburger helper dinner was more filling than by veggie wraps. And that the hamburger helper would keep her full longer.

Biggest Losr- Kicked my butt!

I know that isn't true but it still aggravated me) I didn't really feel like I had a weekend at all. And I really needed a break after the work week I had the week before. So Monday morning I woke up feeling pretty down. I don't know what came over me but as soon as I sat in my car I started crying. I calmed down and headed off to work. When I was getting onto the highway my car started vibrating really bad. It kept up until I got off of the highway. I have already had several issues with my car recently and I was so aggravated. I don't have the money right now to get work done on my car. I called the guy who works on my car and he said he would look at it right after work. All day I kept stressing about it. I honestly cried pretty much all day, and I kept praying to God to give me a break. I just can't control my emotions. After work I went straight to Lee's house to have him take a look. It didn't vibrate at all on the way over there. He said since it stopped chances are it was because it had snow or ice compacted on the inside of my tire, or because it had sat for 3 days in the negative degree weather. He looked it all over and did clear out some snow from one of the tires and he said that was probably it. I was so relieved!! The entire time I was over there I kept thinking about what I was going to have for dinner. I missed ZUMBA because of it and I just had an I don't care attitude. On my way home I filled up my gas tank and decided I was going to stop and get Penn Station for dinner. A sub and fries sounded so good!! But right away I started thinking about how if I ate that for dinner I would feel crappy the next day and would probably give in and want to eat crappy again and then I would be back at square one. I also thought about my 100 day challenge and how that would blow it. So for probably the first time ever I didn't give in. I just kept driving and went home. I made my veggie wraps and once I started eating them I realized how yummy they were. I saved myself probably over a 1,000 calories! I was so proud of myself, I even posted about it on FB, and I don't like doing that. So I ended Monday on a better note. However, when I woke up on Tuesday morning I got up and ready for work. I was heading for the door when my dad stopped me. I didn't even want to hear what he was going to say, I knew it was bad. My car wouldn't start. (He sometimes starts my car when it's cold, when he goes out to start my moms, I am spoiled.) I got so frustrated and wanted to cry. I was holding back the tears. The battery was bad, because of the negative temps I am sure. He was going to try to jump it but said he would take me to work. I told him I would just call off of work, there was no sense in him being late to work and driving all the way out to my work. After he finally got my car jumped and moved out of his way he headed out to work. I was really worried about being stuck at home all day alone. It was going to be really hard to stick with my diet. I posted about it on MyFitnessPal (Where I track my calories). After that I decided to get some fitness in. I have had this Biggest Loser Work out DVD for a long time and have only done it a few times. Let me just say, it kicked my butt!!! It has 3 different work out levels and I started out on level 1.

Progresso Lite Hearty Tomato Soup
and Grilled Cheese.

Holy cow was it hard! But once I finished I felt really good. I figured if I did that, I would be more likely to stay on track. And I did! After relaxing for a little bit I decided to try one of the Progresso Soups that I haven't had yet, Hearty Tomato Soup. I had just half the can and a grilled cheese sandwich. It was so good!! I couldn't wait for dinner to eat the other half of the soup! The rest of the day I just relaxed and cleaned up around the house. I was thinking about it and I feel like maybe this was God's way of giving me a break. I had the entire day to just relax and take things easy. I can honestly say, even though I am out $100, I was thankful for my battery dying.

30 day Squat challenge

On Monday I was trying to relax and looking through Pinterest I came across a challenge that I thought I would try. Its a 30 day squat challenge. I have done the first 3 days and I am feeling ok with it. I posted it on Facebook looking for some people to join me but I didn't really have any takers. 2 people said they would try but I never heard anything else. I am determined to stick with the challenge. Once this challenge is over, I think I am going to find another one to do.I think that will help keep things interesting. 

My brother Tony sent this to me. I really need to work on believing this.

Random pic of me before Zumba

Here We Go Again

It's been a few months since I have updated- about 3 to be exact. After my brothers wedding I seemed to have lost all motivation. I gained about 20 lbs back in that short period of time. But I am happy to report I am back on track. I have decided to do a 100 day challenge. For 100 days I am tracking every bite. I will be using MyFitnessPal as well as keeping a daily journal. I have also written down a few goals to work on during this time frame. Part of this challenge is to take my picture every week, on weigh-in day, and in the picture I will have my weekly weigh-in information. My goal is to make all of these things a habit, and hopefully in 100 days I will see a difference and will use that as fuel to keep going. I also hope to be able to look back when I am having a rough day and remember why I am doing this. This post is basically going to recap the first week (I started this on 1/13/14).

Week 1: 307.5 lbs.

Week 1 was quite a struggle. I was PMS'ing and I knew that was going to make it more difficult to stay on track for week 1. I have terrible cravings during that time of the month and my emotions are a wreck. This week was no different. On day 1 I started back at Zumba. I haven't been to Zumba for about 2 months. I was really nervous about going back. I wasn't sure how comfortable I would be doing it. And honestly I worried about what the girls might think, seeing me back after 2 months off. When I arrived I saw a lot of people there that I hadn't seen before. There is an older lady, Rita, that I talked to all of the time when I went before. She was so excited to see me, and so was Lucy, the instructor. Once the class started I quickly realized I had basically lost all of the progress that I had made. I could not believe how hard it was! I was so stiff. But once it was over I felt so glad that I had come back, and I was kicking myself for not coming back sooner! I went back on Wed night and it was a lot easier. Don't get me wrong, it was still a killer work out, but I felt as if I was able to do a lot more. So I am hoping to be back to where I was sooner than later. 

I had Rita take my picture after Zumba on my first day back.

(My sister and I both got these shirts at JC Penny's after Christmas)

On Tues. night I stayed home after work and started watching an episode of my 600lb life. I have seen this show before and I feel like I can really relate to the people on the shows. I am blaming it on hormones, but this episode really hit home and I couldn't stop thinking about it for the next few days. I remember walking to the bathroom at work one day last week and thinking about how I must look just like the lady from the episode. I just got so down about my size, I was a mess. That just made it even harder to stay on track. Another thing that I struggled big time with this week was the scale! I am obsessed with the scale, as usual. One day I was up 3 lbs and the next I was up 5 lbs!! I couldn't believe it. I had done everything perfect up to that point. Everyone kept telling me it was because I was on my period, and I was probably bloated. I knew that was probably why, but it was so hard to stick with it. (I did lose 3 lbs week 1, so I know it was water weight.) 

My eating for week 1 was really good, until the weekend. During the week I was really motivated and I got the girls I work with involved. I decided to bring my quesadilla maker in and we had quesadillas several days. I had plenty of chopped veggies and lean turkey, and used low carb or whole wheat taco shells. They were a big hit! During week 1 I looked back and realized I had lower calorie meals and did a lot of snacking. I decided next week I am going to try the opposite. Most of the snacks that I have been having are those fiber bars or 100 calorie snack packs. Those are all ok but I have always had a problem with portion control and I can hardly eat just 1 pack. On my next grocery trip I am not buying any more of those items. I will eat more fruits and veggies for snacks. 

This was what my desk looked like all week at lunch time. 

                                     

This past weekend was very trying. Work has been very hectic for more than one reason and that had my nerves on edge. I always enjoy my time with Abbie (my niece) and usually her little brother and sister are with her, so I thought I'd have her spend the night, just her. So Friday after work I picked her up and we had dinner at my sister's house. My sister, Kerri, had invited me over to try some new recipes she was making. She had never had salmon before and her husband won't eat it so I was happy to have dinner with them! I love that Abbie is not picky at all, she was more than happy to eat our healthy dinner. Kerri made salmon and roasted veggies. Kerri doesn't live real close by so by the time I picked Abbie up and we got out there it was after 7. I was starving by the time I got there, I devoured the veggies. Everything was really good! Abbie ended up spending the whole weekend with me, and I was glad. I felt like if she was with me, I would be less likely to binge. Unfortunately, I was wrong. I had to work for a few hours on Saturday so she came with me. I did really well until we got home. I don't know what it was. I just "had" to eat. I had done great all day, and had calories left for a snack before bed. But that snack turned into a binge. I ended up going way over my calories for the day! 1,220 calories over, to be exact. I woke up depressed on Sunday. I couldn't even say what was wrong but I cried off and on all day. Although I wanted to say screw it and eat whatever I felt like, I knew I couldn't. The point of this challenge is to make myself stick with it. So I did. Sunday ended up to be a much better day than it started out. I ended the day hanging out with Michelle. We went shopping then had dinner at Bob Evans. I had one of their under 600 calorie meals and it was great. I felt so much better after getting out of the house and hanging out with Michelle. Sometimes I wonder why I push people away, when I know putting myself out there always makes me feel better. 

Abbie and I before heading home from work.

 (There was a snow storm, so we took the picture before we left while the car heated up) 

All in all week 1 was a success. I have some things to work on, but I am still motivated and happy to be back on track!