Depression is taking over every part of my life. I have no motivation to do anything. Even simple everyday tasks seem to take so much energy. I just don't seem to care about much and very little motivates me. Some days I wonder how I even made it out of bed to get to work. I have been wanting to write about this for awhile but I don't even know where to start. There are a few things that are bringing me down, but deep down inside, I think what makes me the most unhappy is my weight. One might think knowing what is causing my depression, I would just change it. But it just isn't that simple. (I didn't get to this weight because I was happy with who I am) I know that I am seriously over weight, and that I am extremely unhealthy. But when I try to motivate myself to lose the weight, I immediately think, why bother? I can honestly say, I sometimes wonder what my purpose in living is. I feel so selfish and horrible for even thinking that way. But that is my reality. The past month or so has been dark. Most days I can get through with out getting too down. I will have a break down here and there but I can fake it and appear to be okay to those around me. Unfortunately, there have been more dark days than not here lately. I can be sitting in a room with friends or family, and it will just hit me. If I wasn't here anymore, would it even affect what is going on in that moment? And that thought in itself, breaks my heart. I know in reality it would affect others, but when you feel completely hopeless and lost, it is hard not to think that way.
No comments:
Post a Comment