Week 5

Week 5. Pounds lost -.7 Total loss: 32 lbs.

The support I received on
FB was amazing

Well this week has had its ups and downs. Luckily, I weighed in down from week 4's weigh in, although, not by much. I lost .7 lbs this week. So far, during the challenge, I have lost 9 lbs. (32 lbs total). There really isn't a whole lot talk about as far as how the week went. Mon-Friday I did a really good job staying on track. There were a few days where all I wanted to do was eat, but I was able to distract myself. I didn't go to Zumba so I finally made myself go to the gym on Thursday. I don't really know why I am so afraid of working out in the gym. Once I got there I felt pretty good about it. I did have sort of an issue. I was on the treadmill, minding my own business when a mother and her daughter (I assume) came in. The daughter, I assume to be high school age, got on the treadmill next to me. Right away I realized she wasn't there to work out She kept taking "selfies". She had been on it for about 5 minutes and hadn't even started the machine. Then I realized she kept looking at me. It was like she was starring at me. At that moment, I was so aggravated. That is exactly the reason I do not feel comfortable in the gym. She kept starring at me the entire time she was on the treadmill. It took everything I had not to say something. She soon got off of the machine and just kept walking around the gym taking "selfies" in different places, not working out at all. Once she was off the treadmill next to me, I quickly changed my thoughts. I knew that I couldn't let someone like that bring me down. I started feeling proud of myself for being there. I got in a really good work out, for not having been at the gym for so long. When I got back to my car, I posted something on FB about it. I was shocked at the response I got. I posted it as motivation for myself. I wanted to be able to look back at it to remember why I am doing this. I ended up with over 50 people "liking" the status, and tons of comments. It made me feel so much better! I couldn't believe the response I got. I wasn't expecting or looking for anything like that.

Adelynn with bed head lol!

Adelynn and Alex "playing guitar" Friday night

Friday night the kids spent the night. My brother and sister and law were both off of work and wanted to go to dinner with my other brother and his wife to celebrate her graduating Nursing school. On the way home I stopped and got my favorite, Jersey Mikes, for dinner. I was able to eat and relax a little bit before they dropped the kids off. As soon as they got there the cookies were opened. It drives me crazy the amount of cookies that the kids eat when they are over. My dad makes sure they are fully stocked. I understand that they are the grandparents and they want to be able to spoil them. It just seems like they eat so many cookies I can't get them to eat. And whenever I say something about it, when the kids ask for some, my mom has a smart ass comment about how I won't let them, instead of just saying no. Anyway... It was so hard for me to resist those cookies. I had 3 cookies and tracked them. I just wanted to eat more and more of them. When I woke up on Saturday I made myself scrambled eggs. The kids wanted these little sausage biscuits. So I started heating them up and I decided I would have a pack of them. Well of course, 1 pack turned into 2. And what makes it even worse, they were not even something I enjoyed. I don't get why I even wanted to eat the second pack. Tony came and picked up the kids around noon so I took Alex shopping with me. I hadn't gotten Adelynn her birthday gift yet. Since he behaved so well I let him pick out some candy to share at the party. I was eyeing the candy but I decided to pass. I was surprised I was able to pass on candy. That has always been one of my down falls. Saturday afternoon was the birthday part for Adelynn, she turned 3. I had decided last week that I would not be eating cake or ice cream at the party. Once again, that went out of the window. I decided I was going to eat what I wanted and get back on track Monday. So I had cake, ice cream, and walking tacos (just one). I usually have a rough time with my depression on the weekends but so far so good. I was enjoying my time with the kiddos. It makes me so sad that they are growing up so fast. Abbie is getting to be a teenager, and her attitude is just as you would expect, haha! She is always glued to her Ipod. She is obsessed with 1D. It makes me want to apologize to my siblings for the time I was obsessed with the Backstreet Boys lol.

Abbie and I at the birthday party.
She is ducking to get into the pic...
She needs to stop growing! 

Adelynn after opening her gifts.
I see an ER visit in her future

The birthday girl!

Doing her nails :) 

Lisa and I 

Tried putting in some effort getting ready.
I took a Selfie lol

After the birthday party I headed home to relax for a little bit. Lisa had asked me earlier in the week to go out with her to celebrate one of her work friends birthday Saturday night. I told her probably. One of the biggest issues that I have is not being comfortable around other people, even friends. This has negatively impacted my life in ways you wouldn't even imagine. I have always been a bigger girl, and somewhat uncomfortable with myself. But even then, I was still able to be outgoing and didn't let that get in the way of enjoying my life. With in the past few years it has gotten out of control. There have been so many times that I have made excuses not to go do things with friends. I feel like a horrible friend because of it, but as bad as it makes me feel, I have not been able to get passed it. The biggest problem I have is the fact I break a sweat doing almost nothing. This alone has been enough to isolate myself. Other issues are I just don't feel comfortable in my body and I worry the entire time about trying to cover up my stomach. I guess I just don't know how to let myself enjoy anything anymore. This is yet another reason I am depressed. I just want to feel "normal" again. I want to be able to go do things and not be so self conscious that I can't enjoy myself. When Lisa asked me about Saturday night I wasn't sure if I would actually go or not. All day Saturday I kept thinking about it. I wanted to go. I love hanging out with Lisa and any time I have met her work friends they have been really nice. But I didn't know who would be there, how late we would be out. I had never been to the bar (The Phone Booth) and I wasn't sure what to expect. I kept thinking about excuses not to go. Lisa text me around 7 and said if I was coming she would swing by and pick me up. I instantly felt nervous. But I text her back right away and said that I was going. I knew once I committed it would be harder for me to back out. The entire time I waited for her to get there I felt nervous and worried. You would have thought I was going on job interview or a first date rather than hanging out with my friend and old roommate. Once we got there I felt a little bit better. I used to live down the street from the bar but I had never gone in the place. It was pretty much what I expected. A whole in the wall, with an older crowd. That part made me feel more comfortable. We waited for a while for her friends to get there and I started to feel a little more comfortable. But once some of her friends got there I felt nervous again. I just kept telling myself to not worry and just enjoy myself. It ended up being a fantastic night. All of her friends were incredibly nice. I can't even tell you the last night out I had that much fun. I am sure the alcohol helped a little bit. There was an older band playing and the old people in the place seemed to really enjoy it and they were up dancing. There was one couple that were getting a little frisky on the dance floor, it was so funny! They had to be in their 70s. Lisa and I ended up dancing a few times. I never dance at places like that. But I felt so comfortable with all of Lisa's friends and well I was drunk haha. We stayed until 2 and then headed home.

Lisa, a new to us friend, and myself at The Phone Booth

I was a little hung over on Sunday so I lounged around all day until about 4. I finally made myself get up to go to the grocery. I knew if I didn't go then, I would have ended up eating like crap on Monday also. I spent way to much at the grocery. But I would rather spend more money on healthy food, and not spend any on fast food. The rest of my weekend. This week I hit 1/4th of my 100 day challenge and 1/2 way done with my 30 day squat challenge. I can say, so far so good. I am getting to the point where I am struggling to get all of the squats in. But I just keep pushing myself. And let me just say, my bum is feeling the burn! The 100 day challenge is going pretty well, I think. I know I need to get more strict and increase my exercise. So this week I am going to work on both. 

100 Day Challenge
Day 25 from tracking book.

I edited the skinny lady... She is now
saying WTF was I thinking haha!