Week 6

Well I am disappointed to say I did not lose any weight this week.I am so aggravated. I honestly thought that I did really well this week. I worked out 4 times (including a 3 hour Zumbathon). But it is what it is. Looking back I can think of a few problems from the week but I will get to that a little later. The week started out ok. I was PMSing and that made things a little difficult. Most of the week all I wanted to do was eat everything in site. On Monday I gave away a box of granola bars that I had at my desk because I was afraid I was going to eat the entire box. And I honestly wouldn't have been surprised if I did. I was supposed to go to ZUMBA on Monday night. I had text a few friends that have mentioned before about maybe coming with me, but I never heard back. (Lisa ended up going, she just forgot to text me back. I felt so bad I didn't go!) So I had decided I was just going to go the gym and get it over with. (When I go to ZUMBA, I have to wait over an hour after work to even head that way.) So I made myself go to the gym. I was doing ok but I just felt like everything was so hard. (I don't know what else one would expect from a work out...) I started feeling down and comparing myself to everyone at the gym. I kept thinking about what they might be thinking about me working out. I just did not feel as if I belonged there. I finished my work out and quickly left. As soon as I got into my car I started crying. I am going to blame this on PMS. I stopped myself and posted something on MyFitnessPal. I need to learn how to deal with these emotions. After posting it and writing about it I started feeling better. 

On my lunch break one day this week I went to Target and looked at their fitness stuff.  I have been thinking about getting stuff to keep at my desk to help me get some movement during my shift. I ended up just getting 5 lb. weights. I am thinking about getting a fitness ball to sit on because I keep reading how that works out your core. I am not sure how comfortable I will feel doing that though, so it may not happen. On Wed. when I got to ZUMBA, Lucy  (the instructor) asked me how I was doing.  She mentioned that she was going to make me a CD. I was so excited! She is so supportive and makes me feel so good about myself. Friday was Valentines day. I wasn't really worried since I am single. I didn't expect to get any treats but when I got to work Sandy, one of the women I work with, had brought us cheesecake and she had also given me a bag of  mini Reese Cups.I counted my calories for both and still ended the day under calories. But I know I shouldn't have eaten them. I need to get more strict on what I choose to eat. Just because I have the calories, does not mean I can eat junk. 

Saturday morning I woke up with the worst menstrual cramps. I had planned on taking the kids to a birthday party for my friend Katie's kids. I just felt absolutely miserable. But I would have felt absolutely horrible if we missed the party. I went ahead and got ready and picked up the kids. On the way there Alex started acting up and it took everything I had not to just turn around and take them back home. I know my female problems made it worse but it was a frustrating experience. Adelynn did not want to listen at all, the entire time we were there.I don't think she had ever been to Chuck E Cheese before and it was just so exciting for her. At one point I had to take Alex to the bathroom and I asked if it was ok if Adelynn stayed with Katie and her kids. (Everyone was eating at the table at this point) Well as we are walking out of the bathroom I see Katie's mom running across the place and I see Adelynn running from her! I felt so bad!! The kids did have a really good time, so that I am happy about. 

During the party both Molly and Lisa had text me. I had invited them on FB to a ZUMBATHON that I had wanted to go to. I didn't think that any of my friends were interested in it and I still had planned on going, until I woke up with those horrible cramps. Once I dropped the kids off I went home and put on a heating pad to hopefully help with the pain. I text them back and they both said they wanted to go. I was really glad because I know if they hadn't gone I wouldn't have. I rested until it was time to leave. It was in Germantown and that is about 50 minutes from my place. Lisa met me at my house and we picked up Molly on the way there. I was a little nervous about it but I tried not to worry. Once we got there I felt a lot more comfortable. I am usually the only overweight person there and this was no exception. I hate that I even think about this but it is something I think about a lot. We got there a little early and were surprised there didn't really seem to be many people there yet. We walked around and looked at the vendors that had set up tables. They had some raffle tickets for door prizes so we entered a few of those. By the time it was starting there still were not as many people there as I thought, which made me feel more comfortable lol. There were 3 different instructors doing it and there was one that I really liked a lot. She did a really good job of showing you what the moves were. The entire time I felt pretty good. It was so much fun. I wanted to make sure to get the best work out I could so I pushed myself the entire time. Once I started getting warn out I just kept telling myself to push hard for a little longer and if I had to slow down then I would. I think I did a pretty good job of keeping up. (It also helped that there was a cupcake vendor and we had all decided to get one after we finished.) Near the very end Lisa and Molly ran up to get a water, they had the door prize drawings through out which gave us a few minutes break. I noticed a lady walking my way but I assumed she was going to stop and talk to someone else. But turns out, she was coming to talk to me. I didn't know her so when she first asked if she could talk to me I was thrown off. She wanted to come and tell me that she had been watching me through out the night and wanted me to know how much I had inspired her! (I am about to cry just writing about this lol!) She said that she has lost a lot of weight and always thought ZUMBA looked fun but was to afraid to even try it. (She was there with a vendor table.) She wanted me to know how great of a job I did and that even with 3 different instructors, I did an awesome job and kept up with everyone. She started to tear up a little bit while she was talking to me, and that of course made me tear up. She gave me a hug and told me to keep it up and I was an inspiration to everyone there. I was speechless. She will never know how much those kind words meant to me. I was already feeling pumped but after that I was on top of the world. When she went back to her table Lisa and Molly came back over to see who it was or what she had said and when I told them they were just as excited as I was. I can honestly say, that was one of the best things I have heard in a long time. It really made me feel like I am on the right path. I also look at that and think about what I might have passed on because I might not be comfortable with myself. If I hadn't put myself out there the very first time I went to Zumba I wouldn't have been there that day, and I wouldn't have met her. I have to keep putting myself out there and try new things. I never know what it might turn into. And you never know when you are inspiring someone. 

Molly, Lisa, and I before the Zumbathon

My new 2X sweater :)

After ZUMBA we went back to Molly's for a little bit. We enjoyed our cupcake that we earned and talked for  a little while. When I got home it was about 11:30. I was still hyped up (I am always energized after ZUMBA). I watched tv for a few hours and just kept thinking about the night. It was so much fun. I finally went to bed around 3am. I woke up Sunday with horrible cramps again. I had made plans to go to the movies with Leslie and I had wanted to do some shopping. I took the morning easy and we met up around 1. The movie was playing at 4:30 so we had plenty of time for shopping. We went to Kohls and I grabbed some tops to try one. I grabbed the 3X as I normally would. I found a really cute sweater that I was in love with but they only had it in a size 2X and I just knew that it wouldn't fit. But I wanted to try it anyway. Well am I glad I did because it fit! I was so excited. I tried on a few other tops and most of them were to big! I was so excited!! Some of the 3x stuff still fit but I was so happy to fit into some 2xs. While we were there I wanted to look for some new gym shoes. Again I grabbed my normal size 10 but quickly realized they were all to big. I have worn a size 10 shoe for as long as I can remember. By not anymore! I tried on the 9.5 and they fit perfectly. Although the scale isn't moving as I would like, it is great to see progress in other areas. Unfortunately when I weighed in on Monday, all of the excitement from the weekend disappeared. I was so upset that I hadn't lost anything. I kept thinking about how much I worked out and I thought I did pretty good with my eating all week. I let it get the best of me and Monday night I binged on some chips and cookies. After thinking more about it, I could have made wiser food choices and so that is what I am trying to focus on this coming week. I am not going to let this stop me. I refuse to give up.